


A Blinding Star

by A_Secret_Reylo (LadyNovaJade), LadyNovaJade



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix-it fic, I have to hurt everyone before I make it better, Rey and Ben are gonna get their happily ever after, Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Romance, but dammit, but it's gonna take us a bit to get there, tros spoilers!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21987490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNovaJade/pseuds/A_Secret_Reylo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNovaJade/pseuds/LadyNovaJade
Summary: And so Rey left the surface of Exegol, tears nearly blinding her as she coaxed Luke’s old X-Wing into the air. The weight of the two lightsabers were heavy on her hip — just as heavy as the tattered black tunic that had been on Ben’s body, now folded in her lap. The only thing she had left of him.This is not right, her broken heart cried. This cannot be right.She refused to believe he was gone. And she would find a way to bring him back.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Reylo fic and I'm super nervous. But after the heartbreak of TROS, I knew I wanted to fix it and make a more believable and eventually soft ending for Ben and Rey.   
> So this is my attempt. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys it in the long run, but I have to hurt everyone first before I can make it better. I'm sooooo fucking sorry :( 
> 
> P.S. — This first chapter has MASSIVE spoilers for the Rise of Skywalker. If you have not seen it yet please be warned!

A vacuum of silence. A deep rumbling that broke through. Flashes in the darkness. Pain that etched through every inch of his body.

Was he dead?

Honestly, Ben Solo couldn’t be sure. He should be dead. Palpatine draining from his life force had already weakened him. Throwing him into the pit should have been the final deed.

And yet…

Ben’s eyes flew open, and disbelief fell over him at seeing that he was in fact not dead and not at the bottom of some trench on Exegol. He was _alive_. His body was more than a little broken, but he had had worse. From what he could hazily gather, he had landed on an outcropping of rocks not far down from where he had been thrown off.

A groan left him and it reverberated through his head, his hearing still muffled from his fall. He more than likely had a concussion. His breath wheezed as he rolled over onto his side — add a possible broken rib or two to the mix. Ben pulled in a slow breath, categorizing everything in his body for anything else that may be worse. Scratches and forming bruises on his arms and chest. A pain in his side, probably from the hard fall. His right leg burned but was not broken. He had feeling in every limb.

_Alive_. The thought resonated through his mind.

“Rey.”

Her name passed through his lips softly and without too much thought, like it always did. As the fog began to lift in his brain, his hearing coming back sharp, she slammed back in the front of his mind. His heart leaped in a panic at having lost connection with her while unconscious.

Ben pushed himself up and immediately reached through their bond for her, praying. Feeling her warmth through the Force had become so natural and normal to him over the last few years, to not feel the pulse of it now was like being doused in a lake of ice.

“Rey, please,” he begged softly under his breath, eyes closed as he frantically moved through the Force around him in search of her.

_No. No, no, no…_

The panic and heartache seized him harshly, threatening to pull back dark thoughts. But he couldn’t, _wouldn’t_ allow it to happen. They had come so far, they were so close. Rey would not give up, so Ben would not lose hope now.

Unable to connect with her, he struggled to his feet. In his haste, he almost tumbled over the edge, but something pushed him back. He took a moment to clear his senses, force himself to make his movements more carefully — he would be no help to her if he did fall to the bottom as Palpatine had meant.

He had to get to her. So he climbed, struggling to find footholds along the cliff face. The more Ben moved, the more he began to realize his injuries weren’t as small as he originally assessed. But it didn’t matter.

Only Rey mattered. Getting to her drove him on in desperation.

_It can’t end this way._

Finally, his hand grasped the top of the trench in the rock. His breath was coming in sharp gasps as he used what strength still flowed through him to pull his broken body up. It felt like a lifetime passed before he was able to stand on his feet and stared out across the barren plane.

Ben’s chest burned, lungs ached, limbs felt heavy and sluggish. But nothing compared to the broken disbelief that welled in him as he looked for Rey.

There, before the charred remains of the harness of Palpatine, lay a crumpled body, dressed in white, gleaming in a pool of light from above. Ben swallowed hard, and if his heart could stop, it did right at that moment.

“Rey,” he breathed her name. It burned through him.

Without a second thought, he took a step toward her, then another. Each movement caused a searing pain to erupt through his body but he continued to push. He couldn’t feel her presence in the Force around him …

The panic surged through him as he continued to reach out to her, feel for her in each of his steps.

_No, no, no._

Ben’s legs shook with pain, his foot falls unsure. Halfway to her, he stumbled as the wound on his right leg crippled him and he pitched to the ground. His teeth ground together against the sharp pain that echoed everywhere in his body. Swallowing hard, he pressed his palms into the rock, forcing his breath to slow from the harsh pants. Ben focused his energy on pushing through the pain, and with a heave, got himself back up on his left leg.

His eyes trained on Rey’s body, Ben pushed forward again toward her, gripping his side against the new pain that bloomed there. It meant nothing … getting to Rey was all that mattered. He repeated it over and over, a last mantra to get him to his goal.

Coming around her, Ben fell once again to his knees — not from the pain this time, but from the image of her still form before him.

His vision clouded and once again her name left his lips like a soft chant. Panic gripped his chest fully now as he crawled toward her, an arm going around her as he still desperately sought her signature in the Force.

But it was cold. As cold as her skin when he gently moved her around to cradle her body in his arms.

Her beautiful hazel eyes were open and dim. She had stared at him with hate, malice, confusion, understanding, hope, relief … but now, the coldness, the light gone in her hurt him more than anything else.

“Rey?” Ben questioned softly, hand holding her head up. “Rey, please…”

_She can’t be gone… not her._

His emotions rioted. It was almost as it was when the Darkness taunted him, drawing strength on his panic, his anger, his confusion. It swelled in him and pulled and tugged. His heart rate spiked and Ben’s vision clouded with tears.

He wasn’t sure why, but he looked around searching for something … _anything_ that could help him bring her back.

_Help me!_ he screamed into the Force. _Uncle? Father? Someone, please! It should be me…_

The thought consumed him and Ben choked on the sob in his throat, pulling Rey up against him. He hugged her close, feeling his facade crumble, the utter heartbreak nearly overtaking him.

It should be me.

_There’s still time,_ a voice suddenly echoed in his head and everything around Ben seemed to still.

Looking out across the space as he clutched Rey, a shimmer of light appeared. It didn’t form into a complete figure, but it didn’t need to. The Force signature was as familiar to him as his own, the voice slightly different than he remembered, but still undeniable.

“Mom,” Ben choked out, his body shaking.

_She can come back, Ben. You can do it. I will help you,_ Leia Organa’s voice sounded in his mind.

And her words brought the clarity he sought, the answer he needed. Determination steeled his nerves. Leia’s presence gave him hope. Love for Rey gave him strength.

Ben pulled back, gently laying Rey across his lap. Drawing in a deep, calming breath, he pressed a palm against her torso and his eyes fluttered shut. The noise around him ceased until all he could hear was his breathing. He pushed the air in and out of his lips slowly, allowing his mind to settle on his own Force signature flowing through him.

Then, like so many times before, Ben opened himself to Rey, bridging the space between them with the Force. And it poured from him like a river tumbling over a cliff into a pool below. He felt it filling her up, radiating from her center and coaxing hers awake once more.

But … it didn’t feel enough. Ben tried his hardest not to panic, to stay connected with the Force and trust in it. But the longer he sat, eyes closed and palm pressed against Rey with her not moving, the more the ugly truth wormed into his heart.

_It’s too much,_ he thought. _I’m not strong enough after all…_

And before he could break the connection, before he gave into the doubt, Ben felt the light press of a palm against his shoulder. The signature was warm, sure, comforting…

_Don’t give in, Ben,_ his mother’s voice spoke. _We can do it together._

Ben drew in another deep breath, feeling Leia’s presence pass through him, down through his arms, his palm, down from his fingertips into Rey.

_Please_ , he pleaded with anyone who would listen. _Please, don’t let her go this way._

After a moment, his mother’s signature faded, her Force flitting away as quietly as it had appeared after expelling itself. Ben swallowed hard — he had failed…

A warm hand on the back of his across Rey had his eyes flying open and focusing on her face. Then she blinked once, twice before she pulled in a startling breath. 

Rey, gaze wild and confused, sat up in his arms. Ben felt the questions flitter across her mind hastily, too quickly for him to hold on to. But he let them go easily. They didn’t matter. _She was alive._ He could cry from the relief, the _happiness_ he felt. It didn’t matter that she was surely about to push him away. It was enough of a balm to his soul to see her breathing, moving, _alive_.

But Rey did not pull out of his arms. She did not call him a monster or even Kylo Ren. Her hazel eyes, the most beautiful he had ever seen, did not cloud with disgust as she raked her gaze over his face again and again.

Ben’s heart leaped into his throat as Rey slowly, softly smiled at him. He felt her utter relief at seeing him radiate from her like a blinding star. He couldn’t stop the spark of hope that lit his veins as she breathed one blessed word.

“Ben.”

Her face broke into the brightest smile as she said his name, _his given name._ And Ben was almost knocked over by the sheer joy that swept off her Force and into him.

Ben was shell-shocked, unable to move as he held his breath and felt Rey’s hand lift toward his face. Her fingertips brushed so softly against the line of his cheek, his jaw. His heart hammered so loudly, he knew she could hear it.

This had to be a dream. He died in that pit and this … this beautiful woman before him who he had fallen so deeply in love with, she was just a vision.

Still, he allowed himself to hope and his lips twitched with the echo of a smile. Rey’s eyes shifted from his and down to his mouth. Then to his cheek where her hand touched his skin, back to his eyes, and then again dropping to his mouth.

The string he always felt tethering them together pulled taut. Ben saw the decision she made before Rey even moved to make it.

Her palm cupped his cheek and Rey surged forward, her mouth pressing against his.

Ben’s soul may have left his body, he wasn’t sure. But what he did know was kissing Rey was like a beautiful dawn on Naboo. Like the warmth he felt laying on the beaches in the lake country. Like the soft breeze that traveled through the halls of the summer home his mother took him to.

Kissing Rey was every good feeling and moment of his life rolled into one amazing action, coming from the heart of this amazing woman who had believed in him, saw the light in him when he thought there was nothing left.

The kiss ended softer than it began, with Rey pulling away first and looking at him shyly almost, her hand on his cheek still and her eyes shining bright.

“It’s not a dream,” she whispered.

Ben let out a puff of a laugh, the first smile he’d had in ages pulling at the corners of his mouth. The most beautiful part was how the action brought a look of awe to Rey’s face, her fingertips tracing the laugh lines around his mouth, her thumb caressing his bottom lip.

He felt more alive than he had in years … which was why when the coldness seeped in, his face fell in disbelief.

Rey’s eyes went wide as she sensed it too. “No,” she breathed. “No, Ben. Don’t … don’t leave!”

She gripped his hand, her body following his as he fell back.

“Rey,” he breathed out again, a tiny bit of fear racing through him before the calm return.

“Don’t you dare,” she breathed, the fire and venom back in her voice as she hovered over him.

Ben breathed out and smiled up at her again, “It was worth it, sweetheart.”

He squeezed her hand before he let his eyes close. _At least I got to see her smile at me … just once._

+●+●+●+●+●+

“No, Ben, no!” Rey cried, tears clouding her vision as his brown eyes closed.

She squeezed his hand, desperate to get him to gaze up at her again. This was a cruel joke — why? Why was he allowed to bring her back and then leave her?

_It’s not fair!_ she screamed into the Force. _Bring him back! Bring him back now!_

But it seemed that now Rey had served her purpose, had killed the liar Palpatine, the voices left her empty again.

So to hell with them. Rey would do what she had always done — she would find her way on her own. She shifted quickly to bring herself up on her knees, one hand still clutching Ben’s ice-cold palm. Her other hand wiped away the tears that she stopped immediately.

Drawing in a long, soft breath, Rey leaned over and pressed her forehead to Ben’s. “I refuse to let you go, you stubborn ass Solo,” she breathed. “So … be with me.”

She stared at his closed eyes, the Force swirling around her and him both, but going nowhere.

Frustrated, Rey pushed through another deep breath and let her eyes close.

“Be with me,” she whispered, pulling on the tethers of the Force she felt around the two of them. “Be with me, Ben. Please.”

_Rey_. 

It was Ben’s voice, but it sounded so far away. Far away and continuing to fall further from her.

Her emotions swelled again and she shook her head as tears came back, “No, please. Please, Ben. Be with _me_. Don’t leave me.”

_Rey!_ The loud voice of Master Skywalker shook her to her core and caused Rey to gasp and sit up.

“Master?” she called, eyes scanning the barren wasteland of Exegol around her. “Master, help me!”

_Rey, you have to leave, now! The fleet is falling!_

“Not without Ben!” Rey cried out, clutching at the man’s hand.

_There’s no time, not now,_ Luke’s voice was firm. _Rey, there’s another way. But you have to get off Exegol, now!_

Tears blinded her again, “I can’t leave him,” she breathed, head falling to his chest.

_Rey, you have to let him go so that you can save him._

She didn’t understand, but … something in her told her Luke was right. And so she let go of Ben’s hand. As soon as she released him, her heart broke as Ben began to fade from her sight.

“Wait!” she panicked, gripping at his now empty black tunic. “No! Please, no!”

_Rey, get to the ship! Now, before it’s too late!_ Luke’s voice begged her.

Rey grit her teeth and forced herself to her feet. Ben’s tunic was clutched in her hand and her other shot out, calling both the Skywalker and Leia’s sabers to her. And then she ran.

Debris fell around her and she deflected as much as she good as her heavy footsteps carried her closer to her ship. The entire way, she continued to reach out through the Force searching for Ben. But she couldn’t feel a thing.

Breaking through the mist surrounding the Sith Temple, Rey’s breath caught in her throat. Next to the X-Wing she had flown in stood an Imperial Class Tie-Fighter, a stark companion to her ship. Of course he dove into the wreckage of the Death Star to find a way to her …

_Rey! Move!_

At her former Master’s voice, Rey looked up and raised a hand, catching the large piece of ship debris falling toward her X-Wing.

“Master Skywalker,” she called out. “I can’t leave Ben trapped here!”

_Still so stubborn, just like him,_ Luke mused frustratingly in her mind. _Get your ass in the ship, Rey! It’s not over._

Anger boiled through her veins, but hearing the destruction above her, she knew Luke was right. And so Rey left the surface of Exegol, tears of heartache and frustration streaming down her face as she coaxed Luke’s old X-Wing into the air. The weight of the two lightsabers were heavy on her hip — just as heavy as the tattered black tunic that had been on Ben’s body, now folded in her lap. The only thing she had left of him.

_This is not right,_ her broken heart cried. _This cannot be right!_

She refused to believe he was gone. But Luke said it wasn’t over and she wasn’t going to stop trusting him now. She would find a way to bring Ben back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY. This took forever and I have no excuses. I just hope everyone is still interested in the story. I promise I’ll be better about updates from here on out!

The stacks of medical supplies in front of her were blurring.

Rey took in a deep breath and stole a moment to close her eyes against the swaying of her vision. She had already counted the supplies twice, both times coming up with different numbers, which prompted yet another recount. It was frustrating beyond belief, but it was quiet work that left her alone in the back storage rooms.

It did not come as a surprise to Rey that fights continued and the First Order factions did not go down easily after the Battle of Exegol.

It hadn’t been a surprise to Poe either, and as one of the remaining generals still left with the Resistance-turned-New Republic, he had been quick to keep things going. Finn followed him, which had not come as a surprise to her.

And Rey, in her grief with no other direction, followed Finn.

It wasn’t that it was only her choice. But rather … well she wasn’t sure what to do. She did want to help her friends and the rebuilding Republic, but … mostly, she didn’t want to be alone.

Master Skywalker had not appeared to her after their encounter on Exegol. Rey didn’t blame him because when she searched her feelings, she realized she had drawn within herself and closed off much of the Force to her mind. She and Finn had a long discussion about things where he came to her about being able to feel the Force himself. When he confessed, Rey found she wasn’t shocked, in fact she could feel it now herself, more strongly than ever before.

No, she cut herself off because … Rey was scared. She was scared if she opened up, Ben would come to her and then it would be true. He would really be gone. So she wilted within, every night mourning in private and attempting to mend the wound the severed bond left, every day trudging through her tasks and pretending she would somehow find a way through the pain.

As time passed, the more Rey felt not like Rey.

It was beginning to infuriate her.

Others in their small band of Resistance fighters who had found solace on Yavin in those final days of the war told Rey this was what grief was. Many had experienced some fashion of it during the first war with the Empire and in between when the First Order had begun to push themselves into power.

First, you feel everything, they told her — then, what seems an inconsolable sadness. After that, all you felt was anger. Eventually, they assured her, she’d feel nothing but a distant memory.

Somehow that angered her more.

So she kept to herself, much like she had done her entire life. Finn quietly said one night he felt her regressing and he was worried.

“You know, you can talk to me about it,” he said, scooting closer to her as they gathered around the fire. He put a comforting arm around her, “You can talk about him to me.”

Rey had swallowed hard, batting down her emotions. There were a dozen things that immediately flew to her mouth, but she kept them in. She loved Finn, she trusted him above anyone else around her. But … something had her holding back. She didn’t want to lay it on him like that.

“Thanks, Finn. I appreciate it. But I’ll be okay, I promise,” she said softly.

He didn’t believe her. She could feel the emotion pulsing from him. So, to change the subject she forced a smile and pushed at his shoulder, “You need to learn more control of your emotions. We can go over some techniques tomorrow, if you’d like.”

It was an effective distraction, plus it was nice to be needed and to share something with Finn.

But Rey found herself always back at the same point of grief and anger. At night, she dreamt of Ben, when they were on the ruins of the Death Star on Endor. Of her anger and confusion flowing through her. She dreamt of their battle, how she wanted nothing more than to be rid of her pain, of the lies, of everything that she felt was holding her back from being in control of her powers, her destiny, her _life_.

Rey dreamt of the moment she felt Leia slip from the living Force, of Ben’s stutter at feeling the same, of the panic that coursed through Rey as she felt her blade push through his torso.

She woke in a sweat, having watched him die all over again, but this time directly by her hand.

Sleep was becoming harder to grasp and Rey knew eventually she would either collapse from exhaustion or lose her mind. Somehow it seemed fitting and wrong at the same time — Ben gave up his life for her to be _this_?

Rey checked off the last of the bacta patches and then pressed her forehead against the metal shelving.

It was all beginning to be too much. The fear, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness. She had been alone for so long, and now she wasn’t physically alone. But the bond with Ben … it had been like a lifeline during those confusing times, something to keep her center.

“Rey? You okay?” a soft feminie voice broke through her current downward plunge.

Rey pulled in a sniffling breath and stood straight, nodding her head, “Yeah, yeah I’m good.”

Rose Tico quietly took two steps into the room, her life Force glowing with concern around her. It was warm and comforting. “Are you sure? You’ve been back here all day.”

Was she okay? Everything in Rey screamed that she wasn’t.

“Just doing the counts on med supplies,” she offered up as reply — she was glad to not be facing her friend as the answer sounded incredibly weak.

“Uh huh,” Rose chirped, moving further into the room toward her. “And you’ve recounted them how many times?”

Rey sighed and hung her head, “Am I truly that obvious?”

Her friend and engineer gave a soft laugh, “Not really. I just have gotten to know you.” She paused for a moment and Rey could feel a shift in her Force energy. Rose was worried and even more so, she was unsure of how to approach Rey. The young Jedi was feeling that more and more from those around her — how they were unsure on approaching her.

“And are you scared of me too?” she found herself blurting out. It wasn’t fair to Rose, she knew that, and immediately turned to apologize to her friend. Thankfully, the engineer just smiled at her ruefully.

“Why don’t we start with how you’re feeling?” Rose asked softly.

Rey’s eyes filled with tears. “I … I don’t know anymore, Rose,” she choked out the confession. “I’m supposed to be in more control. I’ve never felt more out of sync with myself.”

Rose stepped closer to her, bringing with her the warmth of her comforting presence. “I can understand that. I really can, Rey,” she said softly, placing her hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure everyone is offering lots of ‘advice’ about your feelings too.”

Rey let out a watery chuckle and turned to her friend, who was offering up a lopsided grin. The two women laughed softly together.

“I’m in the ‘anger’ phase,” Rey replied, shaking her head. “And I am.”

Rose nodded, “And it’s perfectly understandable, Rey. It really is.”

A heat began to build in Rey’s chest and she recognized the anger. She had trained to squash it, to let it go, to not hold on to it, but …

“You know what I don’t get?” she said sharply, turning to Rose. “How everyone wants to coach me on my grief, but they don’t want to talk about the source of it. They don’t want to hear how Ben Solo came to fight with me, to save me. They could care less.”

At this, Rose looked pensive, drawing in a deep breath, “Well … they didn’t know him. Not like you did, Rey.”

The red burning darkness in her bubbled still, “He … he shouldn’t have done what he did!” she found her voice seething. “Why would he do that? _He_ was the Skywalker. Palpatine lied. I wasn’t anything special. I’m not … I’m not…”

Her heart started racing and tears blurred her eyes. Suddenly all she could hear was Ben’s voice, the last words he said to her.

_It was worth it, sweetheart._

“It’s not right,” she sobbed lamely.

“Rey … you, you have survivor’s guilt. It’s not uncommon. You’re grieving,” Rose said gently.

“You’re kriffing right, I’m grieving!” Rey yelled, the red, hot anger bubbling over. She turned and flung her hand, the medical supplies on the top shelves flying out and crashing to the floor from the Force. “It’s not fair! My vision … my vision came true, but he just … he just…”

Rose crossed the space between them immediately, wrapping her arms around Rey’s middle and holding her close. “I know, Rey. I know,” she said softly.

There were no apologies, no consoling or telling Rey she was going to be okay. Rose simply allowed Rey to sob, to shake with her anger and her sadness in the middle of the supply closet. Rey had not realized how relieving it had been to simply let the emotions flow again, to cleanse her body of them by simply allowing the tears out.

After a few moments, she finally felt her crying taper off. Sniffling, she pulled back and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, “Rose, I —”

But Rose shook her head, smiling softly. “Nope, I don’t wanna hear it. It’s what friends do.”

The Jedi nodded her head and drew in a deep breath, “I … I’ve cut myself off from the Force.”

Dropping the information quickly into the open seemed like the best course of action. She knew that Rose wasn’t ignorant when it came to the Force and what Rey herself was capable of. But there was a difference in knowing of the Force and knowing about it.

At the confession, Rose pursed her lips and crossed her arms, “Cutting yourself off from something that is a part of you can be a part of the grieving process, Rey. But … if you’re concerned and want to change that, how can I help?”

The question was so innocent and sincere, yet so deep and touching, Rey felt her eyes well again with tears.

“I … I don’t know,” she replied honestly. She then scoffed and shook her head, “If … If I meditate and Ben appears, that means he’s really gone. Rose, I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

Rose drew in a deep breath and nodded, “Makes sense. Have you done any of your old training or reading since Exegol? Not just the meditating?”

Rey opened her mouth and found she had, in fact, not practiced any of her teachings. She pursed her lips together and shook her head. A bout of shame and guilt swept through her. Rey was the last one, truly the last trained Force user that she, Luke, and Leia had been aware of, and this was how she treated that knowledge?

A beat passed before Rose reached forward and slipped her hand into Rey’s. “Well, how about you and I set up a training course? Like you had with Leia? And we can start there.”

When all this had started, practicing her forms kept her grounded, kept her feeling as if she did have some control of what was happening inside her. Her muscles seemed to twitch with the memory of waking each morning on Ahch-To and running the forms. Of racing through the jungle course only a year ago, Leia’s soft voice correcting and encouraging when needed.

“That sounds perfect,” Rey heard her voice say, a smile gently tugging at her mouth as she squeezed Rose’s hand.

+●+●+●+●+●+

The lightning cracked above her and though she had heard it several times at this point, it still made her jump.

Rey hated this place. Its rocky terrain, its dark skies. It had taken so much for her … why was she here?

 _I’m looking for something_ , she reminded herself, turning in a slow circle. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. But it all looked the same as it did on that horrible day…

“Rey?”

She whipped around, heart beating wildly with hope. But it wasn’t Ben she was greeted by.

“Master Skywalker?” she asked, confusion filling her. 

“I’ve been trying to reach you for months, Rey,” he said softly, though the furrow of his brow gave him a harsh, exasperated, and stern look. Much like the one he had when she first met him. “You won’t find what you’re looking for here.”

“I’m not looking for …” she started.

But Luke shook his head and scoff, “You are not subtle, Rey. You’ve come here looking for him, but he’s not here.”

Rey felt her anger rising again, but she clenched her jaw and forced it down, “I don’t know what else to do.”

Luke sighed and finally, his face shifted into something softer, “You know what you have to do. You’ve known all along.”

She narrowed her eyes, “I don’t know … I don’t know anything! Other than twirling a—a stupid light saber and making rocks float!”

Her former master pursed his lips and folded his hands in front of him as she continued, her rage building.

“There’s still fighting! There’s still First Order officers out there attempting to kill and destroy as much as they can. And everyone wants the _Jedi_ to do something about it,” she yells. “But I don’t give a kriff about it all, because they didn’t care about Ben! They are all glad he’s gone!”

She turned and kicked at debris that was at her feet, watching the piece of rock go skittering across the barren plane, “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want Ben to die for … _this_.” 

There was a silence that followed her outburst, broken only by the lightening and thunder of Exegol’s atmosphere. Rey took the moment to quiet her thoughts, to cool her rage … and very quickly realized Luke had not said a word since. Turning quickly back, she found him staring at her, perplexed.

“Whoever said Ben died?” he asked curiously.

Rey felt her heart stop. “What did you say?”

Luke scoffed and shook his head, coming toward her. “Rey, this is why I’ve been trying to reach you for all these months,” he started, more gently than she would have given him credit for. “Ben is not among us. His Force signature is not here, nor is it in living world.”

Her mouth went dry and everything in her kick started again, “Where — where is he?!”

Luke took a deep breath, “That’s what I wanted to talk with you about.”

The thunder crashed again overhead — Rey barely heard it.

“How…” she started softly, her heart beginning to hammer against her chest.

Luke shook his head, a sense of urgency coming over him. “Right now, that’s not important. Right now, Rey, I need you to wake up and open up to the Force again.”

Her eyes welled with tears, “I — I don’t know if I can.”

His hands fell to her shoulders, “Yes you can.”

Rey came back to consciousness very abruptly, before she could ask Luke anymore about what he meant. Looking over at the chronometer by her cot, the red letters indicated it would be sunrise soon. She let out a heavy breath and pressed a hand to her face.

_You’ve known all along._

Rey sat up, throwing her cover off her body and sitting in the center of her cot with her legs crossed. Her heart thudded with a bit of fear … if Luke was right, if Ben was not a part of the Force, she needed to find him. She had already wasted so much time cutting herself off from the Force from fear of the pain. Now she had to bridge that gap and see if Luke was right … and figure out how she could get Ben back.

That thought alone gave her the first ray of hope she had in what felt like a lifetime.

Her heart thudded again, rioting against the thought of opening herself up again. But she had to do this … for Ben.

Rey let her eyes fall close and drew in a deep breath, “All right, Luke,” she whispered to herself. “Let’s see if you’re right.”

Slowly, _ever_ so slowly, she began to pull away the layers that had been so carefully folded over her link with the Force since Exegol. A hum of recognition buzzed through her, the Force seemingly welcoming her back. At the last few layers, Rey stuttered to a stop.

 _Ben_ , she found herself calling to him already, as if it were a test to prepare herself.

The last walls she had placed fell away easily and she was left with … silence. The Force hummed and pulsed around her, as if rejoicing in her return. It felt warm and comforting, not at all cold and lonely as she had imagined. And yet …

Rey reached out, to the back of her mind where she had carefully tucked away the link with Ben, and cautiously opened it.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but the flood of feelings and emotions surprised her. It was … it was almost as if Ben was standing there again, filling the end of their bond with its strong presence, just as he had before. It flooded over her as it had done on Exegol — the moment Ben came to her, when they stood together, when she pressed her mouth against his…

_Rey?_

Rey gasped, her eyes flying open. She quickly looked around, her heart hammering loudly, looking for the tell-tale blue glow of a being who is one with the Force. But no such person appeared.

But she had _felt_ him. Heard his voice…

“B—Ben?” she whispered, waiting.

_Rey? Rey!_

Rey launched herself from her cot, standing in the middle of her small room and turning in a circle, as if the action would cause him to appear.

“Ben?! Ben! Where are you?”

_Rey, I’m here, I’m right here!_

“Where?! I can’t see you!” she cried out desperately, searching for anything to show her Ben Solo.

_I — I don’t know. Rey … Rey!_

His voice was growing fainter, further away from her.

“Ben, wait!” Rey rushed forward and through the door of her room.

She jerked to a stop, gasping as she almost ran straight into the glowing form of her former master. Luke’s brow shot up, his eyes wide. “Finally. I was hoping you would—”

“I just heard Ben!” she interrupted him quickly, moving out into the empty hallway. Her eyes scanned the area, quickly registering minute details she had always dismissed.

“Rey … I don’t sense him,” Luke replied patiently. “That’s why I came to you…”

“I know that, but I heard him! I sensed him, he was here,” she said sternly, impatiently.

“Wait, Rey. Slow down,” Luke said, walking behind her.

“No! I can’t lose him!” she cried, her emotion choking her as she took hurried steps..

But Luke’s hand took hold of her arm and stopped her, “Rey. Listen to me,” he said gently, pulling her around to face him. “You just opened yourself up very abruptly. I’m sure there were many things that came to you…”

“I know it was him! I felt him. In that room. Not in the Force like you right now. He was _there_ ,” she argued, desperate for him to believe her. She growled under her breath, “I know he’s not one with the Force, but I still felt him, right there, at the end of our bond.”

Luke pursed his lips, “I had wondered… Now it seems my suspicions are confirmed.”

Rey felt her frustration grow, “What suspicions?”

Her former master smiled ruefully at her, “It would help if you still had the Jedi texts. There’s something in there I feel we need to explore.”


End file.
